ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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