Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
