Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
