I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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