I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
