mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
zippers are such a cool invention
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
