Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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