can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
