At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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