soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
