I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
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