well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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