Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
