How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
