i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
