You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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