K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
