Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
