so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
