I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
