My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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