I'm sorry my penis didn't work
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
