he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
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