Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
