I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Randomize
