I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
