oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
