saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
