i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
