Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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