It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
