Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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