I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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