you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
