So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
