I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
