This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
