the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Randomize
