woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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