Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
