I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Randomize
