I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
