We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
