i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
God I need to hump something, right now.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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