had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
