Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize
