you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Randomize
