He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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