I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
