Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
pop tarts are not kleenex
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
