I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
