the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
